why does everything have to be a battle?

Today, I was called a feminazi. Three of the four friends I relayed this to were significantly more upset than I. The fourth friend took my reaction of confusion -- so I wikipedia'd the word. Strangely, the three upset friends are male, and the fourth confused friend is female.

Even after reading the article about 'aggressive feminists' I'm still confused. Why did the individual so specifically throw this word and it's negative connotations at me? And why are the males in my life more upset whereas I am simply bewildered?

I've been known to read feminist literature, and yes, I listen to Ani DiFranco*. I suppose I have a few feminist ideals tucked away in my heart and my mind, but I don't call myself a feminist. In fact, I don't really call myself anything that ends with -ist -- that's a lot of commitment. But really, a feminazi?

Well, here it is. This is the cold hard facts of why I'm a feminazi -- or at least, what I assume, are his reasons for calling me a feminazi: I refuse to have a conversation with someone when they are rude, inappropriate, or down right douchey. When you take away the 'he said, she said' bullshit of the story, that's exactly what it boils down to. I don't deserve to be treated poorly -- and this makes me a feminazi? Really? So be it, I suppose... but next time I see you, buddy, I'm going to live up to that word and it's negative connotations -- and leave you bleeding whether it's with my fists or my words.

Ani DiFranco - In or Out

* Funny Story: So one time, I may or may not have hit this one guy in the face. Guy gets angry -- and a bloody nose -- and exclaims "You know, just because you listen to Ani DiFranco doesn't mean you can hit men in the face!" Regardless of who I listen to, he deserved it.

the heart is like hand grenade

My days are full of awesome, so long as I don't get caught up in mundane crap.

The Short Version of Awesome:

• started attending women's health workshop on Saturday
• nude photoshoot on Sunday
• new cutting on Monday
• visits with Z.
• staying at Allison's
• baby pandas

The Reason featuring Sara Quin- We're So Beyond This

break the rules, fuck the laws.

Tomorrow, I will lock myself in a room full of mirrors, reflecting every possible flaw. I will be facing my toughest critic in every reflection. ... and I will come out victorious. I love bodies that tell stories, with scars and beauty marks. I will love mine. I will be liberated. And then, I will let it go, because I am not my body, but that doesn't mean I am not full of love.

Ani DiFranco - I'm No Heroine

boring.

...That's right. My scarf matches my tights. Ba-bam!

already yours

Seems like life is everywhere these days, beautiful and tough as fuck and liberating and exhausting. I'm surviving, but I'd rather be living.

Z. helped re-frame everything for me... "Everything is going to be okay. We are good people who try hard with good animals, family and friends who love us and at the end of the day that's all that matters."

He speaks the truth. I spent some time with A., it's the end of a long day, and Charlie is curled up on top of my barefeet, keeping them warm. It really is all that matters.

bahamas - What's Worse

(A. and I saw bahamas open for Amy Millan, and the more I listen to him, the more I dig it.)

carve a place.

There's a fire in my soul.

And I can survive anything

Stars - On Peak Hill

let's meet in the middle.

I don't post on here when things are happy, it seems. Oops.

School is a bit tough right now. Friends even seem tough sometimes. Family is almost tough all the time.

But there are people who see the light in me. And people who will bring by Pads when I'm working at the bar. And family who will shout about how intelligent and beautiful and strong I am.

Optimism comes true.

Owl City - Fireflies

PS. Today, I am a sucker for sweet synth pop. Tomorrow, it'll probably make my teeth hurt. Metaphorically speaking.

fml.

Contrary to popular belief, I don't like being the bad one.

Pink Mountaintops - While We Were Dreaming

tarnish the gold heart, you've already broken her body.

I'm the one swearing as she leaves the grocery store because she forgot to buy something -- usually, the main thing she went there to buy. And by the time I get home, I've forgotten that I've forgotten, so I swear all over again.

I don't forget you though. The lot of you. The one who played with every emotion, pulled and plucked, snapping my heartstrings. The one who liked me best with my body shoved against a wall, a hand to the throat, a fist to the face. The one who devalued every part of my mind, body, and soul. The one who ignored my absolute existence.

I'm going through life alone. And I don't want to. And it's your fault.

One day, I'll be strong enough to forgive you. The lot of you. And maybe even forget you. But until then, I'm weak, and it's your fault.

Dan Mangan - Robots

Ahhh shit!!

I feel like I've been bitching and complaining too often... so, in light of taking myself so seriously, it's time to laugh at myself.

And, if I do say so myself, I think I'm pretty funny.

Buck 65 - Phil

and then you turn around, and no one's there.

"Our hearts are meant to be broken because that is how they open."

There is always someone that came before you. That someone that he still thinks about, the someone that you'll be compared to. We all have that someone as much as we don't want to admit, even if that someone was nothing special. Even if that someone destroyed us.

How can we ever let someone else in if we can't let someone else go?

I want to be free of these ghosts. I want to be free of that pain.

Come on, heart. Open up.

Death Cab For Cutie - Grapevine Fires

i don't know what i'm doing alone.

No hangouts with the brother today. Boo.

I'm starting to feel unsettled with my living situation. It's too expensive living alone, but man, I love hanging out in my underwear all day. I just feel like I don't live with people very well.

Hey universe? Help me out with a couple friends and a great house and cheap rent and happy good times?

Destroyer - Bay of Pigs

turn your light on me.

Next year, if I'm still working in the bar industry, there is no way I'm working Halloween. I was belittled by coworkers, ignored by patrons, and tipped very poorly when providing good service -- there is no such thing as great service on a holiday, when a bar is almost at capacity.

But... it my non-working life, this night was good: I had Z. to text all night (never underestimate what impact a kind text can have), I ran into my friend R. (so glad I know this dude, definitely feel like we look out for each other, like siblings I guess), and got to know my boss' lady, S., a bit better (apparently she feels maternal towards me -- which is nice, since my own mother is a bit absent from my life -- mostly due to me).

I'm hanging out with my brother tomorrow. So stoked. It's been a while.

Hey life, you ain't so bad...

Ladyhawk - I Don't Always Know What You're Saying