Wednesday, December 17, 2008

My life is Mine.

This season drains me. I can't escape the cold, my muscles are always tense from unconsciously hunching up for warmth.

These are odd times. It's the time of the year where I really don't care if I'm drinking alone, or blazing before noon. And why should I? These are frozen times.

I came home yesterday, and upon walking into the apartment, I actually wished that you still lived here. There is no closure. I don't understand what happened to our friendship. Or to you.

These are frozen times. Do what you need to do to stay alive.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

I want to crawl back into bed, with your warm body beside me.

I'm feeling so unmotivated, so disheartened. I'm in a place where my self-perception is confronted with others' perceptions, and I'm left with a static feeling of unoriginality and ambiguity. It's so strange how an individual can just... end up a certain way, with no seemingly distinct life events to shape an individual in that certain way.

I've started to take 5-Hydroxytryptophan in the hopes of elevating my mood and improving my sleep. It's a compromise I made with my family and friends, I suppose, since most seem to be convinced that I should be diagnosed with depression.

I'm in a conflict... school vs. work/life? come January.'s been giving me stress headaches for weeks.

Last night, laying in bed with him, feeling high, feeling good... I was full of uninhibited love and light. I want to feel that way all the time, but it really is such a vulnerable state.