Wednesday, July 8, 2009

We wanted it this way. We were brought up to grow into one.

I'm feeling grateful these days. I've been feeling every emotion... and in the end, this world is still beautiful, and I am still full of love.

I've been visiting home, my family and the prairie fields. I've been letting go of a lot of toxic, stagnant, abusive, and draining 'friendships'. I feel so much lighter. I don't know why I've always thought that I have to get along/like everyone, and everyone must get along/like me. Silly. People have been coming into my life and teaching me lessons, and I am grateful. An ex boyfriend (the first real relationship I ever had) was visiting the city a while ago, and I'm glad we had that visit. It put a lot of things in perspective for me, a lot of realizations. Like how powerful the smallest considerations can be (considerate... something he is not), and how he makes me feel like I'm the darkest, most hopeless individual. And how I don't have to be who he thinks I am.

Anyways, it's been raining, and I've been thinking. I choose the people in my life carefully, I suppose. And I am grateful for every lesson. I finally got my marks back in school, and I'm pleased. I miss school, but I appreciate this free time to read the untouched books on my shelf. I am happy with my independence. I am a joyful girl.

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