Sunday, August 17, 2008
so where does that leave us?
I have to tell you something. I am a small and tentative creature. I don't know how to be loved, and I am only full of guess on how to love. I make a lot of mistakes and only discuss a few of them. I am curious about self-destruction. I am curious about enlightenment. I have wandering into a scandalous lifestyle. I am curious about drugs, but I am unable to do them. I wake the city streets alone at the most irrational times of night. I am surprised that nothing bad in a big way has happened to me. I just witnessed my parents sharing toothpaste, and it's occured to me that this is the most affection I have seen between the two of them in my twenty years of life. I throw myself around a lot. And I don't know what to do now that I'm with you. My desperate actions to keep a man interested, somehow fail with you. I don't know how to tell you... that when my junior high years of cuts for luck and my senior high years of scars for freedom failed me... I am familiar with self-destruction in terms of throwing myself into a man's arms... fully knowing that he's going to throw me away... I have to tell you that I don't know how to be loved exclusively. I don't know how to admired, appreciated, cared for. I don't know how to be loved. Period.